There are some mistakes folk make when talking about traumatised kids, really it boils down to not wanting to think too much on the awful stuff that happens to children in this day and age.
To address some of these misconceptions and to inform the public at large, the open nest adoption support charity have made a series of short films.
This one is called “The Lost Children of Trauma”.
Legal people! Have a free, comprehensive resource on resolution and family law conference on us!
Good morning everyone, its the day of the NAIRO conference today and POTATO group are there, talking with IROs and sharing with them the realities of life with traumatised adopted young people.
It may come as a surprise to some that around 3-5% of young adoptees have found family life too hard and need more than a family can offer. There are many reasons for this but it is true that the numbers of children going into the care of social services from adoptive homes goes up ten fold in teenage years (Selwyn et al “Beyond the Adoption Order” 2014.) Most end up in section 20 looked after care. This is where the parents retain full parental rights (PR) but have asked the local authority to look after their young person.
Because of this, every young person has a review with an IRO present. They also have a right to a social worker and an independent advocate.
For more information about section 20 and retaining PR check out the information provided by Family rights Group
We have written an information document for IROs use, giving out copies at todays conference. Please see our Links and Resources page for more information.
A POTATO Member has sent in this clever poem to share, and we hope you enjoy it with a cuppa.
It really is vitally important to take a break, even 5 minutes to yourself each day. Self care is something we take really seriously in our group as it is the only thing you can often control in the times when things are smooth or rough going.
That’s good for your mental and physical health (as long as the cuppa isn’t neat gin everyday!)
So. Here’s the poem with today’s cuppa. Enjoy
I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognises you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.
One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don’t remember what country I was in.
It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
It’s that time of year and again the POTATO steering group are planning for the AGM. This year, it’s going to be a bit different with the emphasis on what the group does to support parents of traumatised young people.
Examples of which will be shared when the group have given talks, shared expertise, met with advisory bodies and held “communication stalls”. Donations can be brought on the day to cover the costs involved in setting up the event, we ask all members to check they have completed their membership forms and paid their annual cost of £10 per year, per family.
We are holding it over the same weekend as the adoptionuk conference so members will have the option of attending both events.
Very importantly we have been busy arranging social meals over the weekend in November to get to meet one another in person, share stories and have a much needed break from day to day family life. Looking forward to laughing with everyone.
For further details, either email email@example.com or if you are a member, check our Facebook chat group.
Was it ever right that I tried to be your mummy?
How could you accept that when I wasn’t ‘tummy mummy’?
She made you and she bore you,
And she loved you from the start,
She just didn’t have the wherewithal to keep you in her heart,
I wanted to replace her
And give you all l could,
I wanted you to be secure
And make your life feel good.
We took you in our family
A daughter and a sister,
We loved you and we cherished you
But still you really missed her.
No love nor understanding
Could take away your pain,
No therapy nor counselling
Could make us both feel sane.
We battled and we struggled
And I tried to keep you near,
But it wasn’t really possible
Because of all the fear.
It all went wrong, we asked for help
But no one really cared,
Or maybe they just didn’t see
We both were really scared.
I let you down, I should have had
The strength to battle on.
I never will forgive myself
Now that our chance is gone.
But even now, there is a bond
Of that I feel quite sure
I only hope you feel it too
And leave ajar the door
Used with permission from Poet: Janet Barraclough
We are so fortunate in our group because there is such experience and expertise in adoption matters. Read an excellent article by Dave Bagshaw and Mair Richards adapted from their presentation at the POTATO conference and AGM 2015.
The full version can be downloaded for free here on the LINKS and RESOURCES page.
With thanks to Dave and Mair for this helpful resource.
It’s Sunday and the roar of Sally Donovan has begun to die down. She did a great article in this weeks “Community Care” and there has already been a huge amount of feedback.
The article points to experience of member families and the fundamental hampering of professional progress due to a lack of learning from mistakes.
Take a look at the link below.
On Sunday 8th of November we invite our members to come to Birmingham for our AGM and conference. It is peer led, warm, friendly and kind gathering of parents of traumatised adopted young people, aimed primarily at those with 11-21 year old adoptees.
So if you are a member and would like to hear from our experts on: ASF (adoption support fund), legal matters surrounding s20 and pr, post 16 education and EHCP’s plus service providers, culture and ethos. Please contact us letting us know you plan to attend:
– subject heading- agm.
To run our peer lead group we do need funds and so request a donation- £5, £10 or £15 whichever you feel you are able to contribute towards the cost of running this event.
There will be drinks available on the day, but please bring a packed lunch.